Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
