God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Your penis caused this!
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