I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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