I want to stick my p in your. b.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
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