When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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