Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize