K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
