brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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