How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
