I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
