Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
