He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
