??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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