he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
