would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
