oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize