Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize