Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
