Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
