I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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