They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
