you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
