But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
