I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
