I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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