The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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