youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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