Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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