she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
