I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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