Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
