You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
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