3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
