you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
