im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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