U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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