I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
