I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
