Walk of Shame. In a state park.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
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