It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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