you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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