I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
