but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
