he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize