i barfeds in our rink
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
