i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
