he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
