Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize