you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
