it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
