Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
