Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize