don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
