he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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