I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
