I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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