I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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