he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
