She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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