I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize