I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
