I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
