My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
