I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
