In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
