and she was petting her beer can
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
