got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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