Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
