I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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