I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
