I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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