We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize