Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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