I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
