Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
