He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
