Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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