He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
