Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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