Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
