Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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