I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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