Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
