So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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