its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
