so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize