I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
