There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Sponge bath it is.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
