I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
