omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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